25 Jun 2013

Coming Back to Life

It seems like I have fallen off the blogging bike, but I'm told you never forget how to ride a bicycle, so I'll tentatively try out my balance over the next few weeks and see how it feels. Since the break-up in March I've been slowing trying to piece my life back together. This involved a slow and delicate process of first picking our lives apart, wallowing in the empty space left behind, and my current task of taking a deep breath each morning and facing what is ahead of me. It's been hard, lonely, heart breaking, invigourating, exciting, terrifying, exhausting, and daunting all at once. The support I've had from friends and family, and surprisingly the unexpected kindness of strangers and acquaintances has made this difficult process bearable.

I was bowled over by the response I got from the possibly insane decision to post my very raw feelings after the break-up, the majority of people were overwhelmingly supportive, with a lot of people coming up to me personally to commiserate or commend my decision, to all of you who brooched me on the street, thank you for you moments of kindness, it really helped me. I also want to thank John for his support through all of this, not only did he suggest that I write on my blog about everything that was going on, he also defended me when people thought it was crass. There are no words to describe how amazing he has been, may our friendship weather this current storm and find calmer waters on the other side.

I've gingerly taken baby steps towards getting back to work, as the bills still need to be paid, and life goes on regardless. I have continued at my bookstall at the Milk Market, and have been working away on simple things like badge orders and handmade cards, but have found it difficult to muster much creativity. Thankfully in the past couple of weeks I have gotten back into painting and drawing for an event I have coming up next month in Dublin (I'll get around to posting about that later in the week) and it has really helped to make me feel like myself again. I have also gotten heavily involved with the preparation for Limerick City of Culture 2014, which was another step to helping me break down my working block. I eventually found a really great housemate, which has helped with the stress of the bills, and it's also nice to have laughter in the house again; it felt very big and empty for the couple of months I was here by myself. I made a decision not to beat myself up about not working as much as I used to, guilt was another layer of misery that I just didn't need. I watched loads of bad tv, played computer games, went to the park, had coffee and pints with friends, and spent lots of time cooking. Basically I just took care of myself, day by day it seems to be working. I'm not saying I'm ok, or that I'm happy, but at least I can imagine myself being that way again, which is a really big improvement. 

Ps: The image above is from The Tattoo Project taken by Darren Ryan. It was a great photography idea that grew legs and kept running. Darren did an open call for people to come and get their tattoos photographed, with the idea of maybe doing an exhibition. He got an amazing response and has already run a second photo shoot day. I think he now plans do do a book along with an exhibition. 

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  1. Welcome back, you have been missed! So sorry to hear you've been having such a tough time, all you can do is look to the future and know all things get better with each passing week. Honestly. take care xx Maria

    1. Thanks Maria, it's nice to be back, things will get back to normal...or a new normal...one step at a time.


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