23 Oct 2012

I'm Afraid of the 'C' Word



The Christmas panic has set in over the past two weeks or so. Logically I know I have a tonne of work that should already be made for Christmas. But have I even started yet? No! How did this happen again? I feel paralyzed by how much work I have stacked up on front of me. I know I've been up to my proverbial eyes, tonsils, and what ever else with organising the shop, but somehow I falsely imagined being able to get more done. I say out loud 'I know I'm not super woman' but to be honest in my head I always think I can squeeze more time if I try harder. Now I think I've wrung myself out, and it's not even November yet. Whenever I feel like this I always think of that bit at the start of Lord of the Rings when Bilbo says to Gandalf that he feel like butter that has been scraped too thin over a piece of toast.

There are external warning signs that things are well and truly heading toward a cataclysmic warp core breach. My room looks like the bedroom of a 19 year old male student, I have no clean clothes, I leave it to the last possible day to do laundry, then I'm reduced to sporting fashion disasters just so I leave the house with clothes on. My studio is filled with bags of stuff that I've been meaning to sort out for ages, either materials, half finished work, and random odds and ends. I'm eating terribly, I'm not thinking about dinner until I'm starving, and then I snarf down something unhealthy and tasteless. I'm constantly walking around with a to do list tattooed onto the inside of my eyelids, there is no escaping it, and it develops a loud voice when I'm trying to get too sleep. My ability to form sentences in conversation that relate to each other in a logical fashion is dwindling by the day. Mostly I finish half way through a thought and look pleadingly at the other person saying 'you know what I mean?'.

My kitchen table is like forensic evidence of my life over the past couple of weeks, things don't get tidied away, just pushed to the side in a hurry. Apparently doctors who work with people who suffer from hoarding describe a thing called clutter blindness that we all have to a certain degree. Know that mess of old magazine in the corner that you don't see for days/weeks on end until your mother in law calls around and then suddenly you can see it again? Well people who are chronic hoarders don't really see their mess, and to a lesser degree we all develop this blindness to help us continue in our everyday lives. My level has stepped up quite a few nothches. I get flashes of vision now and then, and I just put my head down and ignore it.

I want to put everything on pause and run away for about 2 weeks, then come back bursting with enthusiasm. It's not that I'm not looking forward to the shop opening and the Christmas Season, I just wish I was more prepared. In a lighter note this is my 700th post, thanks everyone for reading and commenting!


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8 comments:

  1. I know the feeling ...good luck!

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  2. i understand, except i could do with spending my 2 weeks cleaning and sorting out the house which i have abandoned for months!

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    1. Leave it go as a science experiment and see how bad it gets!

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  3. Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean, I have it at this moment about work and christmas crafts!
    The trick I think is to keep going as fast as you can and don't give yourself time to panic, until the worst is over.
    Or if it really bothers you take a day to fully clean, tidy the house/work bags and you'll feel much calmer and more organised!
    Just two things that have worked for me with varying success!
    ~Lany

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    1. Yeah eventually I took a day to clean our living space, just so I'm not mortified when people call over, the bedroom can stay in chaos!

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  4. Aww Ruth!!! You poor thing!!! Just tackle one thing at a time, which I know is difficult when you're worrying about every other thing on your to do list! Take a day off to tackle your work space, it will be worth you for you and your brain to know where everything else and you'll be more productive in that space in the end!

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    1. That's next on the list, otherwise I won't get anything made

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